Weary

Last night I realized how weary I am. Weary of life.

For so long I've dealt with health issues. And while I'm not dying or letting it slow me down, I get weary of the fight. The fight to get beyond the health problems.

I asked how long do I have to deal with this. This fight. A little while longer. Well, I want to know what a little while is really. My little while or God's little while? I suspect there's a large difference between the 2.

It just makes me feel so undeserving. Like, who - WHO - would want to be with someone with continuing health problems? I've been dumped twice because of my problems, and know so many others who have been as well. I also don't know of one who's found another understanding enough to accept them as they are and stick by them AFTER meeting them.

I'm weary.

Christmas Family

Well, Hell Week is almost over.

It's actually been 8 days, so it might become Hell Fortnight. We'll see how the rest of this week goes.

I had to deal with my sister in law prattling on incessantly about her business she's going to start up. It's a long story I don't want to talk about righ tnow.

Then there's my brother trying to take credit for our collective gift to our parents. I corrected them on it almost immediately. Well, yeah, but. No - no yeah buts. Everything following but is bull shit. Remember that.

He wasn't even on board with it until a couple of weeks ago. Sorry Charlie, when you say M&D like living without and leave them be, I have a hard time with you trying to take credit for the gift of improving their lives. Asshole.

My eye is mucked up again. Huge honkin' floater that has that wonderful spider appearance and never goes away. It's a full 5% of my visual field.

Killer dizzy after having my brother over. Joy to the world. Hoping it goes away, but you never know.

He and his wife are sucha drain. And I know he made everyone else uncomfortable with absolutely no gift to me. Hell, even I gave them a card.

Very soon I'll be suggesting strongly that I'm left out of the festivities when he's involved. He just isn't worth my time or dizziness.