Dueling Banjos

This could be long and rambling.

Basically, it comes down to me having fought with and stayed angry at my sponsor and my sister.

I keep looking at the arguments, what I was trying to say, how I said it, how they perceived it, how they responded and then how I reacted.

I'm just not seeing me over reacting in it. If I did, I have no problem saying so, apologizing with full contrition, but I just.don't.see.it.

So, I've decided that it isn't me and that my cousin's husband is right - people say they want to help, but when it comes down to it, they won't.

The fight with my sister was the hardest for me. I'm not sure why. We've always had a hot/cold relationship. I think what angered me most was her saying I wasn't working my program. By saying I couldn't manage anymore, I'm not working my program? Whatever.

It's my conscience I have to live with. No one else's.

But a lot of hurt was dished out this week, buy 3 people. Mom, who thought I was going to go against her will on an issue that is very important to her; Sister who basically switched her thinking to my brother's and isn't going to help anymore; Bonnie, by telling me I'm projecting.

Well, I have to project. Being as disabled as I am, I don't have the luxury of letting things sneak up on me. I've got to be able to look ahead at what will be needed and slowly work toward it, so that when it is needed, I am or whatever is ready.

So this week, I've learned that I am indeed alone in this - being a disabled caregiver. I have an older brother and sister, the first is unemployed, the second lives out of town, and I'm all alone in dealing with my worsening dementia father, and lazy, non-compliant, almost in renal failure mother, a house that is 140 years old and in constant need of work and a pile of bills that doesn't shrink, but a DSS check that doesn't keep up.

It's actually a relief. I don't have to deal with my sister texting me about whatever BS TV show she's watching that either her partner doesn't want to watch or isn't home to watch. I don't watch much TV if I can help it. I've got too many other things to do or that I want to do to waste my time in front of the TV.

I don't have to hope that either of them will come to help. They won't. Period. They say that expectations are premeditated resentments. Some things you expect because you're family. But, I'm not expecting anything. You can't lower them any further than nothing.

And with guilt through association, I won't be expecting anything from my aunt either. Her husband isn't well and they are either catching up from being on a trip or preparing to go on a trip, so there's no way she can come over to do anything meaningful around here on a regular basis - which is what I need.

Plus, I don't have to expect anyone to come over to give me a break. That sucks, but since no one ever does anyway, I don't have to hope for it. It's as much a relief that the guy I was seeing doesn't come over anymore. I can get more done around the house.

It's odd how these things that should be added burdens are relieving. Trust me, disappointment is a heavier burden than knowing you have no choice but to be alone in your struggle.

I guess that's enough rambling for 1 night.

Progesterone Induced Anaphylaxis News

First, two other posts I've written on the subject:
My first Encounter With Progesterone Allergy

More Info About Progesterone Allergy
Please read the comments below each post - you'll see you're not alone!

And since I just got another email from an incredible husband researching to find some answers for his wife, I've done a little more digging...

I've found another term for it:
Catamenial Anaphylaxis is a syndrome of hypersensitivity induced by endogenous progesterone secretion. Patients may exhibit a cyclic pattern of attacks during the premenstrual part of the cycle.
There are several Catamenial syndromes - this being one of them. It may not be just progesterone related, as some women have it occur when the progesterone isn't being secreted. However, that doesn't mean it isn't all related and not part of the problem for one of you out there.

As for the research on Progesterone Induced Allergy (or Anaphylaxis):
A single case in Australia was treated successfully with a COX-2 inhibitor (Vioxx type). Nothing more has been written about it since 2001.

Another individual case in the US was treated with a chemical menopause - which ceased her symptoms untill she had her ovaries removed:

Treatment with an LHRH analog causes the pituitary to become unresponsive to endogenous LHRH, with subsequent reduction in the secretion of follicle secreting hormone (FSH) and leutinizing hormone (LH), which in turn leads to a reduction in estrogen and progesterone secretion. LHRH analog-treated patients cease menstruating and enter a temporary state of menopause. This agent caused a complete cessation of her attacks. After a period of time on an LHRH analog, this patient underwent an oophorectomy with sustained remission of her attacks, which was still present at follow-up five years later.

My thinking
I know my efforts work wonders for me and fully believe additional efforts would work as well.

Benadryl - I take 50 mg a day. Since I have hay fever type allergies, which got worse after my first bout with PIA, I just take it daily. Once in awhile I can decrease the dose to 25 mg, but not often. If I start getting itchy, I also use a benadryl cream. That works wonders.

Zantac - if you do an acid reflux type med, it must be the H2 inhibitor type. Not all are, so do your homework. Zantac is OTC, so is easiest for me.

Methylpred 21-pack. My doc gives me a script to keep at home in case I need it. If the symptoms break through the benadryl and benadryl cream, I just start the methylpred. I know it's going to be a bad episode, so why wait until it's time to go to the ER? It's far cheaper and better on your body to not wait so long for the help, when you can do the same thing at home.

Herbal Therapy

So then I got thinking about other ways women may be exposed to estrogen, phytoestrogen and phytoprogesterone - yes, there is such a thing!

Basically, any of the herbal supplements for women having difficulty with their mensies or getting pregnant or for menopausal symptoms can have the phytoprogesterone in it.

The major players:
Red Clover
Chaste Tree (Agnus Castus)
Wild Yam
Black Cohosh

The Minor arcana
Alfalfa
Apple
Dandelion
Dates
Dong Quai
False Unicorn
Green Beans
Hops
Liquorice
Motherwort
Pomegranates
Sarsaparilla
Saw Palmetto
Willow

I fully believe with girls maturing far earlier than ever in history, as well as the use of chemical birth control being used by more and for longer periods, AND the advent of many that suppress mensies for months at a time, this will be far less common.

So fight with your doc! Keep a journal of when symptoms start, end and how severe along with your menstrual cycle. Then you can prove to him/her that it isn't in your head, it's in your ovaries.

You're not alone!