My personal thoughts about life with a disability and all other things I consider important in my life.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Just Thoughts

I'm finding it interesting - while I'm feeling better both physically and emotionally, I'm still pissed. I don't remember feeling this way.

Anyway, I had a great day yesterday and a very not-so-bad day today. I was able to eat at a Chinese buffet yesterday for the first time in about 5 years without being flat on the couch for 3 days from all the stimulous. Too many notes!

Today, I pinned a quilt that I hope to have finished by the weekend since my friend is getting married Saturday. 3 weeks to put together a queen-size quilt with over 300 different fabrics, 1400+ pieces and a specially designed quilting effect just for this quilt.

I've gotten about 1/8 quilted thus far. Not bad considering the size. Queen-size are roughly 90"x90". That's a LOT of ground to cover when you figure you're quilting at about 15 stitches per inch. And yes, it's by machine, not by hand. But not a long-arm quilter. No $$$ for that.

I've also found that my asthma is definitely affecting my vertigo. No wonder life has sucked so bad this summer. I knew my asthma was up, but didn't really bother controlling it. Then it got bad enough that I had to. Only when it finally got under control - which it isn't really, but I'm actually using my rescue inhaler - did I notice the profound difference in the vestibular symptoms. WOW. Life doesn't suck anymore!

I had also decided - a few weeks ago - that getting pissed off because no one else around the house (there are 3 of us) was cleaning, that I would just do it myself. I'd rather resent them for not doing it, but having clean anyway, than resent them and have the stress of a dirty house. I set up a schedule that I knew I could handle - dizzy or not - and have stuck to it. Having the house cleaner and more orderly each week has dropped my stress level far more than I thought it would.

I do some cleaning every day - but never more than 15 minutes. This little bit every day has made the house look better every day, let me not stress about something because it'll get done on its proper day and when people come over, I'm not stressed about how it looks. Plus, doing these chores is good occupational therapy for me. Just another way to overcome the dizziness. So - yes, I resent M&D for not doing their fair share. But it does me so much more good than the resentment does me harm, that I am totally fine with the situation.

So, with baby steps, I'm getting better. I'm climbing out of this tomb I somehow crawled into. I'm still dreading winter. I'm still dreading the season changes. But my brain is calmer, more peaceful. That makes anything more tolerable.



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