My personal thoughts about life with a disability and all other things I consider important in my life.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

6 Months and No Change

I'm laughing because it's been just about 6 months since I last wrote. I say no change, but the doc bumped my meds up a bit, hoping to help snap me out of my funk.

It helped some. But now winter is here and I'm trapped inside the house with 2 parents who do nothing.

I know I'm ranting. Tough titties.

My sister says to quit enabling my mom. Well, I would stop enabling her couch potato existance if I could survive the transition period.

But my allergies won't allow that.

Snow - well, Dad's knees won't let him shovel much. More than he does, but not by a whole lot. Mom's heart won't let her shovel any. Where I get resentful is when she says she wishes she could help. I keep telling her that helping would be to sweep and vacuum. Oh - well, I didn't mean THAT kind of help. No shit.

House work - I went to my sister's for a week - some laundry had been done. The floor swept, but nothing dusted or vacuumed, kitchen hadn't been wiped up the entire time. Cataracts or no, after awhile, you've got to at least SMELL the food.

Trash - the kitchen garbage isn't 15' from the trash cans. And yet she can't make that walk with something that weighs less than 2#. Smell! Awful! Someone who can smell cinnamon 2 rooms away surely can smell garbage 2' away. Ditto on the fridge.

Bathroom - that is the ONE room that makes me dizzy enough that nothing else gets done in the day if I end up cleaning it. But waiting for Mom means waiting a month. It's the only bathroom in the house. I can almost take it. But again, the smell (thank you Dad), is what gets me.

Allergies - I've got allergies. Dust mites are literally the worst for me. So, keeping it vacuumed, dusted and swept is important to my breathing. If I dust, I'm plugged for the rest of the day. She knows this. And yet, if she dusts monthly, it's a miracle.

We have discussed these issues time and again. I'm not discussing them anymore. Why? It isn't going to change anything.

No living on my own. No escape.

I haven't even had a chance to work with the long-arm quilter I worked SO hard over the summer to get brought in. It's been MONTHS. But because of my normal autumnal vertigo, Mom deciding she needed new flooring put in NOW v. any time my vertigo isn't as bad, or I could get outside while saws and such are running. That's kicked the V up 5 fold, easy.

It's about 845PM and I'm ready for bed. It's that bad.

No reading, little writing, no sewing, no thinking. Virtually no talking. I can't. Speech is slurred, english is not understood. Facial nerve is all sorts of pissed off. Brain death. Critical thinking - nope.

Between the noise, the furniture moved, the smell, the fumes and now the weather, I'll be lucky to feel human by mid January.

I think I'll go cry now.


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