My personal thoughts about life with a disability and all other things I consider important in my life.

Sunday, April 22, 2007


Well, it finally happened. I finally had a total meltdown. It only took about 3 weeks to happen.

I've been good with everything that's happened with Mom until 2 days ago.

I overdid the day before by going to the bank and the drugstore - both within a 2 mile radius of the house and then went down to Mom's church - less than a half mile away. That much driving did me in the next day.

How sad is that?!

So, it was then I realized I can't do this. I can, I just think I can't. LOL Make sense?

My limits are so extreme that it just astounds me. All I wanted to was to get away for just a few minutes, all by myself for a change - and I crashed the next day.

And because of the disability, I have everything very carefully scheduled. If I crash one day, it puts the whole schedule in jeapordy. If I get behind on the schedule, things don't get done. And with me being the only one doing them, I can't get behind.

I took yesterday and played outside while doing laundry. Thank GOD for washing machines! It allowed me to get outside where I really feel alive and NORMAL while still staying on schedule.

I have to cook and do some cleaning today, then maybe deal with my brother and his wife this afternoon. I hope he keeps his promise to not bring his dog anymore. I have an injured cat that the dog would be able to catch with no effort. And yes, the dog is a cat-killer. We have 2 indoor and 2 outdoor cats.

Dealing with Dad. Oy. I try to let him do his own thing since the dementia is at a point where adding anything can totally screw him up. But he does have to empty the dishwasher and go to the store once in a while. I really wish "awhile" would become accepted in the English language rather than "a while". Hell, he's pissed as a hornet that he has to change his underwear more than twice a week because I wrote it on his calendar. I'm still feeling the affects of that edict. Oh well. Shower AND change underwear? I am SO cruel.

I also have to rearrange the freezer upstairs so we can have meals to thaw and eat rather than in the big freezer down cellar. You have to understand the fridge freezer is sort of a black hole. You so don't want to start rummaging around in it. But, it needs to be done. So will probably be done today. On the second warm, sunny day of the season. Yeah - just what I want to do. LOL

Oh well. The rules of life have changed.



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