My personal thoughts about life with a disability and all other things I consider important in my life.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Disappearing

I feel as if I and my entire identity is disappearing. Everyone else can leave, but I can't. I can't escape this latest ring of hell I'm in.

What did I do in a previous life and how do I make it right so I don't go through this shit again next time?!

Good news - both cats tested negative to feline leukemia. I've basically decided there's no catching "Black Guy", so will never know about him.
Not so good news - Jaspurr (aka J-man, The Great Jaspurry, Punkin Puss, Red Head, Agent Orange, Monster Mash, Gargantua) has asthma. Probably from his skunking episode 2 summers ago. He got nailed in the face by a direct hit and just hasn't been the same since. So - will have to keep watching him for asthma attacks.

More not so good news. Mom has become non-compliant again. No walking, no drinking, barely eating and not taking her meds in a timely manner.

Things have stalled on the quilt shop. She's lost interest and if that's the case, I'm sunk. LOL - there's no way for me to do that on my own.

Bad news - the garden house needs to be replaced. Most of the rafters are rotted, so I knew I'd need to replace it, but have been hoping for next year. That's a pipe dream. It has to be replaced this year. The roof is leaking massively and with the rafters rotted, there is no way to get up there and have it support whomever trying to repair the roof. Sides have been rotting as well, but have tried to ignore that. LOL

Good news - am trying to keep enough energy to quilt - give me some sanity outlet. Am working on a seaside quilt for my brother's niece. He commissioned me to make it 3 years ago for her college graduation, which is in a month. He finally OK'd the design and such, so am getting to work on it.

But I'm still not able to read 1/10 of what I was a month ago. Can't really understand English when it's spoken to me, and am having a hard time speaking it again.

I woke up killer dizzy from my nap and just want to go back to sleep. Not for another 3 hours.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Left my comment - huge ass comment, actually. I will check to see if it went thru.....-s

5/17/2007 3:52 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

fwiw, keep napping!! I'm so sorry about the furry cat buddies - and the falling out-building, and your mom. Non-compliance eventually leads to "I've fallen and I can't get up" unfortunately. At least that was my experience. My trip was good in many ways; in others, there were a lot of triggers to my childhood o' insanity. I truly am my father with a wig. Shit. We did the same stuff without knowing it.
Is this the way this stuff works? I wonder if the old SOB was dizzy and just didn't talk about it.

Speaking of, I really enjoyed one person suggesting that perhaps it was the conditions of calcifications in my ear canals, and if I just did VRT and the liberator exercise, I'd be jolly fine. I had just 'splained that I'd had a flipping stroke - ie. brain damage, ruined nerves, bad juju, mon. Look, I know they mean well, because I look fine to them, but it is depressing. I will send you a picture.

On a good note, only the computer is making be desperately dizzy and I desperately want to write. Therefore, I need to find a typewriter. I am told I have osteoarthritis along with the osteoporosis to keep it company, I suppose. And I do NOT want to use the IV bone buffing drug and be the person whose jaw rots. (Maybe that would make me just repulsive enough for people to get religion.) Which makes me non-compliant. So let's pray to the great goddess that I don't fall down.

Let us meet somewhere next time I'm out, and we shall talk, take time out for naps and talk some more. I can still talk - some. Like Spray Boy, I still got da asthma from late blooming Scotch Broom. It's just too pretty to be such the bad useless weed that they say it is....ahhh, life - whatever that is, goes on, and I no longer want to leave it - today. Love, S

5/17/2007 3:59 PM

 

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