History

I know it's probably wrong of me, but I get so sick of people telling me that I should be thankful for what I have. Look at all the people who have lost so much through natural disasters, wars, injury, illness, etc.

You really don't want to know what my telepathy is stating to these people.

Natural disasters - yup. They lost it all. So did I. They can rebuild. I can't.

I moved away from my home town over 10 years ago. Loved it! I lived the life of a gypsy. I moved, on average, every 14 months. I finally got through college, worked in my field, LOVED it, and was enjoying life.

I lived in several towns in NYS, lived in Louisville, KY area and in Dallas, TX area. Loved L-ville. Hated the Big D.

I got sick in Dallas. That's the beginning of the end. I went deep into debt trying to get healthy and live there all at the same time. It didn't work. I ended up moving back to my home town where, rural as it is, had more aggressive medicine than DFW. I had hoped to have my sinus surgery, get healthy and move on.

Nope.

Lucky me, I got what is affectionately known as Vestibular Neuritis. I should have been done with it in 3-6 weeks, but because 90% of Dr's don't know you need rehab within that time limit, I became one of the even luckier few that doesn't recover. So, with some research, I found out that half of those who don't recover in those first weeks will do so in 8 years. 8 YEARS.

OK. Fine. I can deal with that. 8 years out of my life. But, if I recover, no big whup.

Well, I've entered year 6 and have hit a plateau. If anything, I've regressed some. And from what I've seen with others in my shoes, that's normal for the half that don't recover. Ooo. Doesn't that just thrill me all to pieces?

Another thing the docs don't tell you is that season changes affect you. I'm OK for the latter half of the summer and winter. But spring and fall are killers. So - here I am, having regressed some over the summer - which is supposed to be a good time for me, and autumn is rapidly approaching.

People tell me not to "project" or play the "what if" game. Well, there's also the saying that insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. I know autumn and spring suck. They have for 5 years, so why it would change now is beyond me. And expecting it to change is crazy. So don't give me that crap that I'm worrying over nothing, that I'm mourning something that has yet to be lost. My loss is real. And that I will lose more over the sucky seasons is real.